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WE ALL KNOW THAT GUY.
He's the one who you put off calling, 'cuz you can never get off the
phone with him. A call that should last five or ten minutes invariably
turns into an hour (or longer!)
It's the gal you see sauntering down the aisle at Walmart who you
quickly avoid eye contact with and do an immediate "about face." If she
should corner you, there would be no polite way to break away from the
conversation for at least 30 minutes!
It's the guy from junior high whom you haven't seen in 40 years. He's
right behind you at the post office and wants to "catch up" just when
you need to be at an appointment in five minutes.
OK, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, Doug's such a
curmudgeon! But don't get me wrong; I really do enjoy visiting with
friends and acquaintances - especially during breaks at the dances. But .
. .
Well let me explain. I know a fellow (a friend who'll remain nameless)
who is definitely "that guy." He's been known to
occasionally launch into long, convoluted monologues regarding this and
that. It may be something about what's currently going on in his life,
or it may be something that may have happened to him 30 years ago.
I think of our little visits as his "soliloquies" because after
the first couple of minutes, I no longer play an actual role in these
"conversations." I simply become an innocent bystander - barraged by
a continuous stream of recollections, anecdotes and parables.
So usually by about fifteen minutes in, I begin to find myself gradually dissociating. My inner dialog goes something like this:
- I just realized that I've been tuned out for several minutes now. I hope he doesn't suddenly quiz me.
- How can I gracefully extract myself from this "conversation?"
- If I squint my eyes, he kinda looks like Walter Brennan.
So fast forward to a couple of days ago. I ran into him at the post office. He caught me off guard by asking about my family. My family??!!
I was taken aback because usually when I see him, I prepare to hear
about some personal crisis that needs immediate venting. I couldn't
believe he actually asked me a question!
So I guardedly answered his question. And surprisingly, he asked a follow-up.
The next thing I knew I was telling him about my grandparents and their history and my cousins and my first dog and - and then I noticed it!! I was probably 10 minutes into my rambling when I noticed that blank expression on his face - that glazed look!
Suddenly sensing a break in my long-winded story, he abruptly interjected, "Well, I gotta get going!"
Arrrrgggghhh!! I'd become that guy!!
Ironically the tables were turned, and I felt a bit sheepish! I think I may have learned a little lesson in tolerance.
So should you ever notice me becoming long-winded or rambling in my
conversation, please be patient. And whatever you do, don't squint your
eyes and think of Walter Brennan!
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