DO YOU WANT TO GET the best
music/dance experience out of your favorite band? Then please read the
following excerpt from my soon-to-be-published primer: Hints on Audience Etiquette.
Let me preface this little essay by saying that we musicians love our
fans, friends and followers. We not only love our public, but we’re
dependent on them for our livelihood. Without them we’d be sitting at
home playing music in our basements and/or living rooms – with nary an
audience save our loyal dog or cat.
However just as best friends, relatives and occasionally even our pets
are known to do, the public can sometimes exasperate us musicians and
entertainers by displaying certain – how can I delicately put this? – aggravating behaviors.
And I’m sure you all will agree that an “aggravated” musician is not
going to entertain nearly as satisfactorily as one who is tranquil and
decidedly cheery!
I know I run the risk of stepping on some toes and maybe even offending a
few loyal fans, but I think anyone with a speck of common sense and a
respectable sense of humor will be able to appreciate the points I will
bring up in the excerpt below – and hopefully for a moment, you will be
able to see things from a performer’s perspective.
Be forewarned my points may sound a bit acerbic at times, but let me
assure you that this essay is definitely written tongue-in-cheek and
ultimately in good fun. However keep in mind this caveat: Many a truth is spoken in jest!
So without further ado, here is an excerpt from my handbook:
Hints on Audience Etiquette with a Glance at Bad Habits:
DO . . .
· Applaud after songs to show your appreciation. Bands feed on this
simple courtesy; and you'll get a better performance from not only us,
but from any band you might be listening/dancing to.
* * *
· Smile and acknowledge the band as you dance your little toes off (as
opposed to looking "through" the band as though we musicians are
inanimate jukeboxes.)
* * *
· Write down your song request, and place it within
arm’s reach of the musician. Believe it or not during that short pause
between songs, we musicians are preparing for the next selection and/or
trying to keep the pace and song flow going uninterrupted.
The five or ten seconds it takes to relay your verbal request to the musician will effectively clear the dance floor. So please “write it down.”
* * *
· Keep at least 12 inches from the musicians’ faces when you're talking
to us!! We don't appreciate being able to smell your dinner or feel
flecks of spittle peppering our faces while you rant and rave about
Trump, the weather or millennials.
And we especially don’t appreciate you sharing your current cold or bout of flu with us!
* * *
· Listen to the music. Although many bands’ performances are generally
geared towards a dance crowd, many of us do in fact occasionally perform
original music and not just simply generate a rhythmic beat for your
dancing – a drum machine and/or jukebox can do that.
You might be surprised at the musicality and original material of some
of your favorite, local groups if you’d sit out a dance occasionally and
focus on the performance to just listen to the music!
* * *
· Let the band play our set list without feeling compelled to “help us”
with our song selection by "reminding" us to play a waltz or a polka or
your favorite line dance.
You might be surprised to find that the band will cover all necessary
bases if you're patient and let us do our thing. This is what we do!
* * *
DON'T . . .
· Rapidly approach the stage and then stand fidgeting with that "I've got something REALLY important to tell you" expression on your face while we're performing.
* * *
· Frantically rush the stage after ONE rock 'n roll tune; and with great consternation, demand: "We NEED some waltzes!!"
Please be tolerant of other attendees' musical preferences! That
three-song set of rock 'n roll tunes may have seemed like an eternity to
you, but be assured the ensuing waltz set probably seemed like forever
to them!
“ . . . You can’t please all the people all the time.” –John Lydgate
* * *
· Walk up to a band member while we're singing and start asking questions and/or try to engage us in a conversation.
* * *
· Distract a band member while he's playing to make your request. Rather
write it down and hand it to one of the band members or lay it
somewhere in plain sight and within reach.
* * *
· Sing to us. If you’ve made a song request to which we respond that we
don’t know your particular song, please don’t stand there repeatedly
singing it to us with an incredulous expression on your face:
“You don’t know it?! You don’t know Blanket Of Love??!! It goes like this: ‘Blanket of love, you swaddle myyy faa-aace!’”
* * *
· Chat and follow the band around while we're setting up. Before the gig
it's critical that we make sure all equipment is in working order, do a
soundcheck and tune our instruments.
We appreciate the friendly gesture, but preceding a gig your chatting is
more than likely distracting and robbing us of valuable set-up time.
* * *
· "Help" the band if we're experiencing sound problems or issues with
the equipment. The band is used to troubleshooting, and your help –
though well intentioned – is not needed.
When equipment malfunctions during a gig, it's usually a chaotic rush to
get things back to working order; and, unless you're a sound engineer,
your involvement only prolongs our "down" time.
* * *
· Use the backside of our band's schedule to write down a request (or
otherwise use our schedules for scrap paper.) It costs money to print
those schedules. Grrrrrr!!!
* * *
· Monopolize a band member's time after the gig by chattering non-stop
about your trip to Peru while others are waiting in line to say "hi" or
"good-bye."
Please keep post-gig farewells short and sweet as the band still needs
to say good-bye to others, tear down and drive a couple hours to get
home.
* * *
· Tell us why you WON'T be able to make it to one of our
upcoming, much-publicized events. After spending a ton of time, effort
and money promoting a gig, we’d really prefer hearing from those who will be coming.
If you can’t make it, we’re sorry; but you don’t have to announce it or
post it on Facebook – that comes off as being a bit passive-aggressive.
* * *
· Hover near the musician waving an unsolicited plate of food while we're playing - "Where do you want me to put this??!!" And don't even think of putting a piece of cake on or near my keyboard or mixer!!
* * *
· Walk onto the stage and/or stand behind us while we're performing.
That’s tantamount to someone walking up behind you while you’re at work
and breathing down your neck!
* * *
· Ask if you (or your friend) "who is REALLY good" can sing with the band. This is not karaoke night.
* * *
· Talk business, i.e., book a dance, discuss your upcoming anniversary
party, etc., at a gig. Most musicians aren't prepared or don't have the
time to discuss availability and terms at the gig. This is NOT the time.
That’s why we have phones, email, a mailing address and/or Facebook.
* * *
· Pay a $10 cover to see us play and then sit all night, bathed in the blue glow of your smartphone or tablet.
* * *
· Show us pictures or play music to us on your smartphone before, during
or after the gig. We’ll take your word for it that your grandchildren
on that 1x1-inch screen are the most precious kids in the world or that
the song you’re playing us on a 1-inch speaker in the noisy club is the
best-song-ever and that we should immediately learn it.
If you really feel we need to look at your pictures and/or listen to your songs, that’s what email is for.
* * *
· “Play” or even touch our keyboard, guitar or drums without our
permission! We promise not to come to your workplace and start pushing
buttons and turning knobs if you promise to keep your hands off our
equipment.
* * *
· Reposition, move or in any way adjust our PA speakers.
* * *
· Sit directly in front of our PA speakers and then complain that the music’s too loud. And if you are finding that the music is too loud, don’t look at us with a horrified expression, shake your head and plug your index fingers into your ears.
Simply write your concern on a piece of paper and hand it to one of the
band members. In most cases we’re able to quickly resolve the issue by
adjusting the mix and/or repositioning a speaker that might be aimed
directly at the area in which you’re seated.
* * *
· Club owners/managers please don't pay the band in front of everyone!!
Please be discreet - would you like your paycheck flashed around in
public??!! Everyone already knows that we musicians are at the bottom of
the pay-scale totem pole without you drawing undue attention to it!!
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT - some pithy suggestions for you, the audience, as to how you can get the best ever performance out of your favorite musicians!
But now that I've shared my DOs and DON'Ts, I’ll be curious as to whether I’ll have any fans (or friends) left!
Well, at least the ones who do show up at the dances now will have a
good sense of humor, exemplary manners and will bring out the best in
their favorite musicians!
an excerpt from How to get the Most Out of your Band | Hints on Audience Etiquette by Doug E. Koempel
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